Imperfect Paths

Almost six years ago, we took this wonderful, less-than-artistic selfie of the three of us on a plane, flying off to our new life in Mexico. 

I have major news that I have to share. Weeks ago, I wrote a long, intimate draft about it and then became utterly incapable of publishing it. I edited and thought and edited and set it aside enough times that it was obviously time to scrap it entirely and start afresh. So here goes.

We’re moving to Savannah, Georgia, USA. Just me and the kids. Next month. For the long haul. (Don’t talk to me about forever; that isn’t much of a thing in my universe.) We’re leaving our tropical paradise. Conan can’t go with us yet, and we don’t know when he can.  Those are the facts.

In terms of our applications for Conan to immigrate to the states, we’re still in the process. It’s still a hope and plan for the longer-term future. We did get the first step approved! We still have the rest of the money that was donated to the fundraiser waiting for us in a special account when the time comes. (Thank you again, all!!) However, the next step is on hold, for many reasons.

Between the shocking US election results in 2016, the ever-worsening policies related to immigration, and the increasing hostility towards immigrants, it’s a less-than-ideal time to spend all of our donated money and go into debt to pay the rest, for an outcome that might or might not be favorable. There’s no legal reason why it shouldn’t be favorable, but that’s not as reassuring as it should be these days.

Trying to take the next steps with immigration now would also entail an indefinite amount of waiting and being unable to make any certain plans. It would further require a ton of problem-solving creativity in order to stay here and assure our family’s well-being- more creativity than we currently feel capable of. The pressing things standing in the way of waiting-it-out in Puerto include our son’s Apraxia of Speech diagnosis, our daughter’s lack of first grade options here, my need for a job that can sustain our family (in addition to what Conan earns), my desire for my kids and me to be closer to my mom and my US family, to name a few.

In short, all kinds of things have changed that make going to the states more important and urgent than ever for our family, as well as making the move less and less attainable for Conan.

Of course this was an extremely difficult decision for Conan and me to make. Conan, given other options, would never choose to live away from his family. But he and I both recognize that this is what needs to happen right now, for the well-being of our children. Being the wonderful father and person that he is, he’s willing to make this sacrifice at this time.   

When we started this wild life adventure, becoming parents and starting over in Mexico, I would have told you that, for me, the most important thing for my child’s well-being was keeping our family together. I was determined for us to live in the same geographical space at all costs. Now, almost six years into parenthood and our exile to Mexico, I recognize just how complex and uncertain raising children really is. There’s no guide book, and definitely no magic formula. Every family must decide what’s right for their children, and for themselves. “What’s right” can and does change with life’s circumstances. There are no perfect answers, and there’s no perfect route. We just keep trekking along, living out our dreams, with all the twists and turns and road blocks that come, walking our paths, living each day imperfectly and fully.

Much Love and Solidarity from our family to yours!

Tags: changes, exile, family decisions, multicultural family